England spinner, Michael Yardy, has revealed that he withdrew from an England match six months before the 2011 World Cup was to take place, due to depression.
Yardy, also admitted that he pulled out of the World Cup just days before England were defeated by Sri Lanka in the semi-finals, since he was still battling with depression.
In September 2010 when England were due to face Pakistan at the Rose Bowl, Yardy, was still feeling depressed and pulled out of the game.
Yardy, who wrote in the 2012 edition of Wisden, said: “I’d learned to put on a brave face. But I woke up that morning in Southampton and couldn’t carry on. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I just wanted to go home.”
Yardy also wrote about how he lost his temper more easily, but, was thankful for the support from his wife, Karin and England coach, Andy Flower.
“I spoke to my wife Karin, who knew I had been struggling, and went to see Andy Flower, who was unbelievably supportive. It was a huge relief just to tell him. Deep down, I knew I was in a bad place. I was very tense and living on a very short fuse – both with myself and others,” he said.
Yardy also explained how he felt that the goals he set for himself started to become more and more unrealistic, which further increased the pressure he was already facing.
“I always had high expectations but things were getting out of hand. I could never please myself, was constantly striving for more and setting unrealistic goals, which just increased the pressure I was putting on myself because of the self-doubt,” he added.
The England spinner further revealed how he felt like a complete loser, and that negative thoughts dominated his mind at all times.
“I have always liked my own space but now the very act of being around other people became an effort. My mind was saying ‘They don’t like you anyway. Why would they? You’re a loser’. Everyone has negative thoughts but I was letting mine rule my life,” he said.